Top Ten Birth Ideas
Just a couple of hours after I posted the last entry, the phone rang and woke me up. It was my friend who had started labor, four days after her due date. It was her fifth baby and she was an hour away in Sacramento, so I didn’t waste any time getting dressed and hopping in the car to head down the hill.
This is my friend’s fifth baby in five years. She has her babies in the hospital, and with her first three births she had an epidural for the pain. At the third birth, however, the epidural didn’t “take,” and she felt everything. She noticed that afterward she felt much better than when she had been given an anesthetic, and she also realized that having a baby without medication was really possible. When she got pregnant again, she called and asked if I would be willing to coach her through her labor.
That was last year. I helped her through that delivery and she had a great birth. A few months later she asked me if I would do it again this year. Today was the day.
When I had my first son 20 years ago, the trend was more for “natural” childbirth. Today the pendulum has swung back the other way, and the tendency is for much more intervention. Today we were blessed with hospital personnel who were supportive of my friend’s decision to forego medication, but it was obvious that it is very rare to have a natural birth in the hospital.
My friend had also invited another friend who is a newly-trained doula to be at her birth. Let me tell you some of the things we did to help make her birth easier. It went so well that the lady doctor who caught the baby told my friend that she should have a bunch more children, and she asked for our business cards thinking we were both doulas who worked together ;-).
1)Be light-hearted, but confident. While the contractions are still mild, talk about how much you are looking forward to the birth and go over some of the things you all want to do when the labor gets more intense.
2)Try to keep the momma moving. Have her walk around. Let her sit in a rocking chair and rock the baby down, down, down. Have her slow dance with hubby and keep her hips swaying so that the pelvis can loosen up and move the baby down. Some hospitals (like the one we were in) are laying down the law about keeping hooked up to a fetal monitor. When the doctor arrived, she was supportive of letting my friend move around, and the nurses acquiesced to her instructions. There was also a wireless monitor with an antenna available.
3)Use a birth ball or tub of warm water. The hospital had a birth ball, and Kayla, the doula, showed my friend how to use it. My friend sat on the ball, facing the bed, and she rested her arms on pillows on the bed. She rocked on the large ball while leaning forward, and the buoyancy and the motion made her comfortable and helped open her pelvis to allow the baby to descend more easily. I sat across from her on the other side of the bed and gently held her hands and talked her through her contractions.
4)Pray together. I quietly prayed with my friend through many of her contractions, especially finding things to thank God for: the new baby, her loving husband and family, God’s providential timing, even for the pain which gives an opportunity to really depend on God. Remind her husband to pray, too.
5)Breathe. I don’t have any special breathing techniques, but I think it helps to slowly and deeply breathe in through the nose then slowly blow out through the mouth. That seems to help until the transition stage. Then, when the contractions are more “spiky” and sometimes have double peaks, I have her moan out the breaths with very low tones, almost a groaning sound. I make the noises with her to keep her focused.
6)Relax. During almost every contraction I reminded her to relax and loosen her body. I specifically told her to relax her forehead, her jaw, her mouth (even letting it hang open), her shoulders, her arms and her hands, because those are the places that tend to tighten, and the pain is worse when you tense up. I would sometimes touch those places to remind her to loosen them up. While I was doing that, Kayla was massaging her back and pushing on her back where she was having some labor pains. Lower back pain is common in many labors, and it helps a lot to have someone pushing there with closed fists. My friend had a sore hand where blood was drawn, and we directed her attention to that sore spot when she was having a contraction, getting her to focus on that pain instead, even pressing a bit on the back of her hand (at her request) to remind her to think about the pain there rather than her labor pain.
7)Cold cloths. It really helped today to have cold washcloths available for her forehead, neck and face. We frequently rinsed them out to keep them cool and she really liked having them available. Lots of water in a cup with a straw is also good, giving sips in between contractions. If someone is at the birth who isn’t sure what to do, assign them the job of keeping the cloths rinsed and the water cup filled.
8)Focus. When transition starts and the momma becomes shaky and fearful, speaking very directly, looking in her eyes, reminding her of how the labor is almost over and encouraging her with praise and confidence is really helpful. Sympathize with her feelings but don’t let her get caught up in her fears. Tell her she can do it! She will be in her own little world, but she will hear you and respond to what you say.
9)Groaning. When it’s time to push, she doesn’t have to relax any more. If she is upright, rather than lying flat, it is much easier to push out the baby. Let her squeeze your hand. Have her tuck her chin down and remind her to keep it down, and have her groan or grunt deep sounds when she is doing the hard work of pushing. Make these noises with her, if it helps her. Encourage and remind her that when the baby’s head is out, she will feel a LOT better. Speak forcefully and be confident at this point. There may be times when she needs to slow down the pushing so she doesn’t tear, so be ready to encourage her to do this, too.
10)Rejoice! I couldn’t hold back the tears when the little guy came out. He was beautiful. It is amazing to see someone else’s baby being born. I am also grateful that everything went so smoothly and that the people in the hospital could see not only that a natural birth could have such a good outcome, but that we were all praying and trusting God for the outcome and that He was the reason for our joy and our confidence.
My list of birth ideas is not exhaustive (though I am definitely exhausted), nor is it necessarily what you will find in your standard childbirth training manual. All that I did with my friend is what I remembered as helpful to me from my ten births. Jenny Silliman also wrote some ideas for having a beautiful birth when she had her eighth baby a couple of years ago. Scroll down to read them, and note her suggestion about using vitamin C to reduce labor pain. I know that some of my readers are expecting babies, and I hope these ideas will be useful to them, or to some of your loved ones, as you welcome more sweet babies into the world. Let me know if you need a labor coach ;-).
Was I right that this week would not be less busy?
March 22nd, 2004 at 10:28 pm
Oh, wow. . . Just reading that brings back a flood of memories. I have to say, honestly, that giving birth is one of the things I treasure so much. After my firstborn, I remember feeling so much like Eve, "By God’s help I have brought forth a son. . ."
March 23rd, 2004 at 5:44 am
I’ll have to print this off and keep for my upcoming birth. I have loooong labors! My first born was natural at home and he was born after 36 hours. Second was planned to be at home but transported for a few different reasons. I had a small dose of fentynol with her about an hour before she was born, 22 hours after labor started. We plan to be at home again with this one, Lord willing.
March 23rd, 2004 at 7:01 am
Nickey, if it’s any encouragement, my third was my easiest! They do come faster, the more you have, and the pushing stage gets a whole lot shorter. With my last few I’ve only had to push two - four times before the head was delivered.
March 23rd, 2004 at 7:29 am
Carmon, you have described my births to a tee. Everything you have suggested is what I also found helpful during my 5 hospital deliveries. Even though I delivered at hospitals, I have had very good experiences and doctors and nurses who were willing to leave us alone. The only thing I will add is about the breathing, I count 3 seconds out, 3 seconds in to avoid hyperventilating. Most gals are sure to breath in and forget to exhale properly. This will surely cause hyperventilation. I would love to assist a friend in labor and I have considered looking in to the doula program. I may have to wait a few years until I am free to do something like that. I rejoice for your friend and cried as I read your description of her birth and sweet baby boy. God is so good.
March 23rd, 2004 at 3:58 pm
This post is illustrative of the light of nature that women are the best attendants for women during labor and birth. I wish we could remove male doctors from the birthing room and leave only the husbands/daddies and a lot of supportive womenfolk and thus protect the modesty of women as they give birth.
March 24th, 2004 at 2:40 am
Cheryl, woudn’t it be nice if all husbands would protect their wife’s in this manner (no male doctors)? Unfortunantly too many of them don’t bother to think about the matter biblically it seems. I really want to gag when I hear about male ob’s who go to church with the women who’s babies they deliver. I also once saw a birth movie of a woman whose pastor and his whole family were there as she gave birth.
March 24th, 2004 at 8:19 am
BATH TUB! BATH TUB! BATH TUB! Since we moved to WA, we have the best midwife ever! Of course, we might be slightly prejudice, but I don’t think so. Our midwife is a godly woman and a terrific midwife. She has delivered over 2,500 babies. I love the way she treats my husband (as the head of the house, not a sperm donor)and my children are always welcome in her office. She also is happy to deliver people’s 9th and 10th babies. I decided to deliver at her office last time. I sat in the jacuzzi tub for the most part and then got out and pushed our little girl out in one push. The only people there were my husband and midwife. I agree with Cheryl and Nickey about the male dr. thing. I think it becomes a power problem-the dr. is in charge and the husband needs to obey the rules. That may be his wife and baby, but it is the dr.’s patient. A good book is called "Birth Reborn" by Dr. Michele Odent. The other problem is we are under this wrong assumption that pregnancy and birth are destructive to a woman’s body. God built us to bear children. When we get pregnant, our bodies are working properly. Most women, given the chance, will give birth naturally. You go to the dr. when something is not functioning properly. You stay home when every thing is working properly:) I could write scads and scads-it was the subject of a research report I did for a college class. There are many statistics and studies that support midwifery care as superior to hospital care. I still have acquintances that think we are horrible for endangering the lives of myself and our children.
March 24th, 2004 at 2:57 pm
Dear Carmon,
Thankyou for all of your support and encouragement during my pregnancy and especially the labor and delivery of our newest blessing, William!! I also want to thank Kayla,.whose help was invaluable. All of his siblings have taken to him, and even showed him how much fun train hunting can be on the way home in the car. Yes, having my last two babies naturally has been an awesome experience,.and has proven to me that it is not only feasible, but enjoyable. I would stress though that it is so important to realize that sometimes our "plans" are not God’s and that God does use medical interventions to bring about beautiful results too. I would never want anyone to feel less of a woman for needing medicine or for things going a different way. We were blessed to have an awesome medical staff that has delivered all five babies, and their support of our decisions. This also includes two male doctors as well. It is important to have your husband protect your modesty,..I completely agree with that. However, in Leviticus 13, it is stated that if a man or a woman has a skin disease such as leprosy,.they must be examined by the priest,.a position held only by males. Obviously, if such disease was located in a personal area,.it would still have to be examined by the priest. Thankyou again for all of your loving support!! Should I call you next year???
March 24th, 2004 at 3:24 pm
One thing that I have learned in being a doula, is no matter how many births you attended, each one is so special and different. I have learned that there is no right or wrong way of doing things. It is really about educating yourself, and then doing what is best for you and your baby. Deanna, and Carmon, you are both such an inspiration to me, not only for your devotion and love for the lord, but your grace as mothers,and stength when giving birth. Deanna I was honored to be part of your birth team. You truly are an amazing women and mother.
March 24th, 2004 at 5:02 pm
Deanna, of course if it was an emergency or absolutly nessecery, I see room there. Clearly, however, this is not the norm and I see no biblical reason to accept it as a normal practice.
March 25th, 2004 at 12:30 pm
I definately have opinions about midwifery and such. I also know that birthing babies can be really touchy. I do try to not be pushy with my ideas. Before we started having babies, we had a friend that homebirthed and homeschooled. I sure thought she was weird. Now I am just as weird as she. I couldn’t be more thankful. I also recognize that while most women can give birth naturally there are the special instances. If some one does end up needing medical assistance, I sure don’t want them to feel badly that they some how failed. I am not against going to a dr. if there is a reason. If I were having twins or had a baby with a heart problem or an excessively low iron count, I would be giving birth in a hospital (I would not be happy, but I would do it). I have friends that have given birth in the hospital. It breaks my heart when they tell me things they had to put up with in the hospital. Things that I take for granted not having to deal with at all. I had our first baby in the hospital. I remember having to sign all the papers in order to have our wishes respected. It wasn’t that the staff was unkind. It was more that they didn’t know what to do with us. That and I don’t think I should have to pay $30.00 for a stupid Tylenol.
March 26th, 2004 at 4:05 pm
Kendra,…I agree that it is a better experience when the hospital staff listens and tries to accomidate your needs. And, you’ve hit on an important point as to why you like having your babies at home too. One of my first nurses,..who loves to see and support natural births,…says that the patients that are the toughest clients are those that have a no compromise birth plan. They don’t want to be told what to do by the medical staff. Her response to that is very logical,.."then don’t come to a hospital in the first place". They are trained not to ruin ones expectations,..but to respond medically,.and for them that is how they care for their patients. I just have had wonderful labor coaches the last two times,.and the nurses really appreciated that, because some of them would love to see more natural births, but they don’t have the time to coach anyone,.especially when understaffed. (that also makes my doula friend very vital too) Perhaps there will be a time of homebirth for me,..but I think I would love to have a birth center birth as a starter
March 1st, 2005 at 9:53 pm
[...] any woman who is hoping to have a passel of grandchildren. Here is where you can find my top ten birth ideas. I also highly recommend Kelly Degenhart’s detail [...]
March 30th, 2006 at 9:29 pm
[...] Top Ten Birth Ideas Without Moral Limits: Women, Reproduction, and Medical Technology by Debra Evans MalePractice: How Doctors Manipulate Women by Dr. Robert S. Mendelsohn [...]