Two-fer: Manifesto and Top Ten!
There is a lot of confusion and misinformation floating around about what being a keeper at home entails. It is not surprising to hear worldly women who are all for choice, mock the choice to work as a wife and mother within the home by portraying it as an insipid life filled with drudgery, not at all challenging or intellectually stimulating. Though a resurgence of interest in homemaking seems to be occurring in mainstream America, with interest in domestic skills such as cooking and decorating even becoming trendy, there is a disappointing trend in the opposite direction in the church, which always seems to limp a few steps behind the world, tagging at those ragged coattails in a quixotic quest for acceptability (some have dubbed it being “relevant,” though that lame excuse does not scan when the music changes before the dance partner has even noted your presence in the room). Christian young women are increasingly seeing home and family as just another option among many competing, and more interesting, pursuits they might follow.
I have a lot of theories, as well as questions, about why this is happening. Most puzzling, and disturbing, is that many young ladies whose mothers made great sacrifices to give them an excellent home education, setting an example for how women can be productive and creative within their homes by serving their families, are now forsaking that example to follow a path that resembles the world’s expectations for modern women, except that they justify their choice to leave behind a home-centered life by insisting that if they followed in their mothers’ footsteps they would be wasting their God-given talents.
It’s time for another addition to the Prairie Muffin Manifesto. My intent is to encourage those who make the very unpopular decision to be women who keep their homes, who embrace the ministry of serving God by serving their husbands and children and local churches within the parameters set in God’s Word by precept and example. It’s not rocket science, but just because we take at face value what the Bible says about our role does not mean we are simpletons to be pitied or derided. We have chosen a good thing. It is a rich life and it is a life with great rewards:
49) Though there are those who would portray the life of a Prairie Muffin as dreary drudgery, not meant for those elite women who are truly “gifted,” we know that there is a wealth of riches to be found when we embrace this home-centered calling. There are many aspects of life at home which are mundane, repetitious, and sometimes unpleasant. The same is true of any job, even those which receive a weekly paycheck. But the privileges and important responsibilities of work anchored in home responsibilities soon outshine the difficulties which are really opportunities given by God for our benefit and sanctification. We are blessed to be at home where so much productivity takes place.
I promised a two-fer post…I haven’t posted a Top Ten list in ages, so here are ten ways a keeper at home can make her home a rich and productive place of godly service. I’m sure you all could think of even more:
Top Ten Ways to Be Productive at Home
1. Education: Dr. Allan Carlson has chronicled the decline in the family, and he notes the change from home-centered activities and work due to first fathers and then mothers leaving the home and turning the teaching of their children over to “experts,” to the detriment of relationships in the home and the ultimate demise of cultural values. He sees homeschooling as a positive return to a family economy of sorts, reclaiming the important functions of household cohesion through working in this primary function of learning together, rather than outsourcing huge amounts of time to social engineers. Many homeschool mothers have also discovered that their own educations are greatly enhanced (a well-known benefit to those who teach others) as they learn along with their children. They also have more time to read good books.
2. Financial rewards: The accepted wisdom is that it takes two incomes to keep a household running. While the tax burden in our statist society does make it difficult to make ends meet, the cost for a woman to work outside the home is often higher than the income she might bring in. For any family, there are many economic contributions a homekeeper can make to help her husband, who is called to be the primary breadwinner for the home. Some have home businesses or help in a family business. Others become frugal shoppers, from groceries and clothing to insurance and real estate. Women can use their time to make their husband’s salary often stretch much further than the amount of money they might bring in from a job which takes so much time and energy they end up having to spend more on convenience food, eating out, gasoline and car upkeep, wardrobe, and other incidental expenses which come from working outside the home.
3. Hospitality: The ministry of hospitality is not optional in the Bible. We are to share freely what we have with others in order to bring glory to God, especially other believers. It can also be a tremendous opportunity for evangelism. Many Christians do not even know their neighbors. Our homes can be resources of service, but someone needs to be home to make it happen. One of the qualifications for eldership is showing hospitality, as is a qualification to be a widow worthy of support.
4. Creativity: The world seems to be getting the idea that one’s home can be an artistic canvas. A plethora of home decorating and cooking magazine and books are available with ideas for domestic bliss, ranging from the simple country style to elegant and ornate. While much of this advice is overdone and materialistic, there is a gold nugget of truth in the notion that we ought to create beauty within our homes. The purpose is not to present an untouchable showpiece to evince envy in others, but we imitate God’s creativity when bring beauty to our homes and we minister comfort (strength) to others—our family and friends and neighbors—when we bring order out of chaos in our sphere of influence, as we invite them to partake of the beauty we offer. In addition, the homekeeper has more time to add special touches to meals, to learn and practice skills which are forgotten in the busyness of modern life, such as sewing, knitting, quilting, and gardening. Music can be another means of beautifying our homes, whether it’s on a CD or even better, produced within our own family.
5. Spiritual pursuits: While she may not have a glamorous “ministry” in a foreign land, the keeper at home is nevertheless busy in important ministry work. First, she is intimately involved in the spiritual training of her children, modeling as well as teaching them the Gospel and obedience to God in every area of life. She also has the important job of praying for her family, praying fervently each day for their spiritual well-being and other requests regarding their daily lives. She also has a love for her local church and finds opportunities to serve there depending on her season of life, but always building loving relationships within the body of Christ, teaching the younger women and learning from the older women. She is especially aware of the blessed opportunities for humbling which come from the daily interactions at home, and she learns to be content in the place God has given her.
6. Romance: There is this silly idea that it is much more glamorous to be in a career, particularly one which involves travel and power lunches. Those poor shoulder-padded, besuited women don’t know what they are missing. It is much better to be besotted with your own husband, spending time and energy on pleasing him, rather than worrying about making finicky clients happy in endless meetings and never-ending projects. Make a project out of loving your husband, remembering the special romance you enjoyed when you first loved one another, and renewing that love in a deeper way by showing him how important he still is to you. Learn again what he likes to talk about, what food he prefers, how he wants to spend the evening with you. When you expend that effort to let him know how special he is to you, you may find that your husband is much more romantic than you believed he could be after all those years of marriage.
7. Health care: This is controversial, and I am not saying that you need to avoid doctors and hospitals, but you can avoid them more often if you gain some basic skills and practice some common sense about taking care of your family’s health. Some find that home is a fine place to have a baby, and it can be very exciting to have a home birth, and very challenging learning about and living through the details of childbirth, whether at home or in the hospital. Every family has to endure illness, and a wise mother learns how to discern whether a doctor is needed or whether she can deal with the sickness at home. Though there were many superstitious old wives’ tales regarding how to treat certain illnesses, there also was once much more practical knowledge about how to deal with common fevers, scrapes, sprains, aches, and other health problems. There is much to learn in this area that doesn’t take a nursing or medical degree.
8. Gardening and animal husbandry: It doesn’t take a lot of land to grow some vegetables or even to raise some animals. Not everyone feels called to the agrarian life, but once upon a time it was unusual for homes even in neighborhoods to not produce some of their own food. We live in a time now when we can run to the store in a few minutes and buy almost any kind of treat that our heart desires, and taking care of a garden seems like a “fruitless” and unnecessary pursuit. But, as the Paul Overstreet song says, it can be a way of “Sowin’ Love” for your family, teaching your children many lessons about patience, hard work, and responsibility. Home-grown food can sometimes be much more flavorful and a reminder of the richness of God’s blessings as you watch the entire process, from seed to harvest, unfold. Caring for animals (and this can include pets) is a reminder, too, of compassion for beasts, nurturing creatures who depend on us totally. The tenderness many children feel for their animals is worth cultivating, and sometimes the death of those animals, whether to provide food for the family, or the loss of a beloved pet, is also a vivid reminder of the consequences of sin and the hope we have in God because of the immortal souls He has given us and our salvation through Christ.
9. Organization: This is not the most popular aspect of keeping a home for many women, but it is an important and necessary aspect of it. One of the consequences of the sin of our first parents, we well know, is that there are now a lot of weeds to pull as we do our work. Within our homes these weeds manifest themselves as dirty laundry, piles of papers, toys littering the floor, dirty dishes, and even squabbles among our children. We never lack for something to straighten up or straighten out. But just as our husbands need to find contentment in their calling and not complain about the trials that accompany it, so we ought to roll up our sleeves and determine to tackle those things that always need our attention. There is great satisfaction in a job well-done, and though some of those jobs never seem to end, we can take proper pride in bringing order out of chaos, keeping our homes running smoothly and not allowing life in our dominion to spiral out of control. If we don’t do it, then who will? We must not denigrate the crucial task of directing and organizing our homes.
10. Counselor: Dr. Laura is a household name, for dispensing advice and helping those who seem unable (or unwilling) to help themselves. She seems to rely on a lot of good old-fashioned common sense, mixed with a bit of exasperation for those who foolishly insist on violating her brand of morality. Well, you don’t need to have a title in front of your name or millions of listeners in order to be a good counselor. The only title you need is “Mom,” and your listeners may only be counted on both hands (you might need some toes if you are really influential, or so blessed). As a Christian, you are in a far stronger position than Dr. Laura to give good advice, even if you haven’t heard of Piaget or Pavlov. The important thing is that the law of kindness be on your tongue, and your advice works best if you practice selflessness as much as possible, something in which you probably have received much practice already if you have a few children. Unfortunately, it is a skill which cannot be mastered, and sometimes you need to use some of the counseling skills you have learned on yourself. If that’s the case, you might want to forego Dr. Laura and try this much more practical advice from psychologist Bob Newhart: “Just stop it!”
September 25th, 2007 at 12:58 am
That Newhart YouTube clip is the best! as is your top ten.
In my reading of Russell Kirk, I am reminded that culture is in constant need of renewal. It cant just be *set up* and expected to remain. Like I cant clean out/organize my closet ONCE and expect it to stay in order.
So, thanks and blessings to you, Carmon, for your efforts and encouragements to keep our culture honoring God by renewing and reminding your readers what is right.
Dana in GA
September 25th, 2007 at 1:04 am
PS I got a kick out of Lydia Maria Child’s essay on the education of daughters first published in 1828. It is readily available in The American Frugal Housewife. While she is labeled as an early feminist, I wondered if she would be by today’s standards.
September 25th, 2007 at 2:39 am
Carmon, I so appreciate this fresh reminder of the valuable ways we can be contributing to a
productive and fulfilling life at home. Just yesterday I heard of yet another young Christian
mother who needed to be ‘fulfilled’ and began working while she still has small children at
home. What a discouraging statement we as believers make to the world about being a keeper at home
when our mothers en masse look for ‘real ministry’ and ‘fulfillment’ in an outside career. This is
another reason to consider whether or not it is wise to send our young women off to college,
as one factor I often hear cited when a young Christian mother returns to work is that they
don’t want to ‘waste’ the time and money they put into getting an *education*.
May we older women continue to speak of these things to the younger so that they don’t
fall prey so easily to our culture’s false value system. I think if there were more older
women setting the example in the church it might be easier for the younger to see value in
a life at home.
September 25th, 2007 at 9:12 am
Absolutely wonderful post!
September 25th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
OK, that Bob Newhart clip had tears rolling down my face and I was laughing so hard that several of my family members came to check on me. We watched it again and they had the same reaction. Thank you for a great chuckle today!
And, the rest of the post was fabulous as always!
September 25th, 2007 at 4:47 pm
Thank you Carmon, this is fantastic advice to an aspiring Prarie Muffin.
Love it!
September 25th, 2007 at 10:54 pm
That Newhart clip had me truly laughing out loud — very loudly!
It made me think of nouthetic (Biblical) counseling. Psycho-junk today can take FOREVER to lead a person through what even then is often pseudo-healing. Nouthetic counseling just gets straight to the heart of the matter with Scripture and calls sin, sin. You want to fix your life? “It’s called SIN!! JUST STOP IT!!” (through genuine repentance and the power of Christ, of course, but you know what I mean.) : )
That was a great Top Ten, too! * Lord, please bless our efforts to pass the baton to our daughters and help them make the vision their own as well. *
September 26th, 2007 at 4:41 am
Linking! Thanks for the encouraging list. I thought the same thing as Rutanne
September 26th, 2007 at 4:41 am
I meant Ruthanne, sorry!
September 28th, 2007 at 1:48 pm
Thank you so much Carmon, for this really encouraging post!
October 1st, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Hi Carmon. I found your site through Stacy McDonald’s blog. Thank you for this top-10. I am going to print it out to review often!
I’ve heard the term Prairie Muffin for a while–what made you choose it? :O) I am not making fun of it. I love being a wife and mom in my own home:) Thank you for your ministry.
October 1st, 2007 at 8:20 pm
Sometime reader, first-time poster here. I’d like to take the other side, if I may…
So I have a talent for software. I’m good enough at it — and it’s a God-given talent, I take no credit — that I can make $100 an hour as a freelancer and consultant. A few hours per week of client work can go a looooong way to help our household, even if it is outside the home.
What is bad about this? And what on earth can I do with a talent for designing complex enterprise software in the context of the home?
Besides, I believe God has led me through every step of my career path. I have been able to help people, and I have found many blessings there. (My latest blessing is now eleven months old, crawls, babbles, and gets nearly all my attention right now, but I digress!) Do you think that I am not *really* hearing what God is telling me? Am I hearing voices?
I do believe that God gave me talents that I am intended to use outside the home. It doesn’t mean I’m going to neglect my home altogether, but a balance of the two is working really well for my family right now. I don’t see what’s non-Christian about it.
(Or is this a discussion that you’ve had too many times here? If you’re going to have to retread the same arguments you’ve made before, please point me towards previous discussions so I can understand where you’re coming from.)
October 1st, 2007 at 10:50 pm
Jen, thank you for your comment, especially for the kind manner in which you asked it.
My purpose here is first to encourage women who are keepers at home not to listen to the many voices (in both the world and the church) which both overtly and subtly portray their job at home as less important than doing “real work” outside the home, or less fulfilling than using their “talents” in a different context. Secondly, I do hope to persuade some women who are trying to “do it all” by having a career as well as a family that the Bible teaches plainly that our normative calling is home-centered. The woman of Proverbs 31 is a beautiful picture of using our talents within the context of benefitting our family from the sphere of home (yes, she buys and sells land, but that doesn’t make her a real estate agent, it just means she is involved with the economic activity of her home). Titus 2 makes it clear that the older Christian woman is to teach the younger Christian woman (by word and example), to be a keeper at home. This does not mean being kept at home on a leash, it means a domain from which she wields her influence and uses her talents. My post was to give some practical ideas for how this can happen within our domestic arena.
My list is not exhaustive, and I think women can make economic contributions to the family, though they must be careful about how this takes place. There is a great temptation when a woman makes a significant amount of money, to depend upon that income so that losing her monetary contribution would be a great hardship on the family (I’m not talking about special circumstances where the husband is disabled or there are other difficult circumstances). I think that family businesses can be a way wives (and children, as well) can help with finances, though I would caution women with small children to be careful of their time and energy as such endeavors can quickly become overwhelming and lead to neglecting other important things, such as training and educating your children, showing hospitality, and serving the body of Christ.
Jen, I don’t doubt you have had opportunities to help others because of your job, but the job you do in your home, helping your family, is every bit as important…in fact, I would say it is of primary importance. If you were to shift gears and be home full-time, you would still have many God-ordained opportunities to be a blessing to others, whether it is helping your church or neighbors deal with computer problems, having a ministry with your children in your neighborhood, or just being a light to those you come into contact with on a daily basis as you run errands or greet the deliveryman who comes to your home. I’m not talking about total isolation here. I think that God speaks clearly in His Word, which clearly says that our primary focus is to be our homes and families, as we put God first and seek to glorify Him. All of our talents are gifts from God, whether it’s computer programming or music, or writing and editing. I could probably make quite a lot of money if I went to a job where I helped edit some prestigious publication…am I wasting my God-given talents by not doing so? If it was a Christian publication, I would have the added benefit of doing “real” ministry work. Or does God give more opportunity and blessing when we believe His plain teaching that wives and mothers should be home-centered in their mission, praying for creative ways to use our abilities in that context?
I understand that you can make a lot of money at a job as a programmer. I have been married to a man for 26 years who is greatly gifted in that area, as well, and he would be the first to say that while he loves his work, he knows that after seeing many projects come and go, it’s not lasting. Investing all you can in your children with your time and energy, both of which can disappear so quickly, is a much more lasting endeavor. BTW, my husband has worked from home designing complex enterprise software for many years, and he would also be the first to say that he would not have been able to achieve the great level of success he now has if I had not been devoted to caring for the domestic details of our home and family life.
October 2nd, 2007 at 6:56 am
Carmon, thank you for your thoughtful reply. You are generous with your time!
I suspect we have more values in common than it appears. I too believe that my primary responsibility is towards my family — even more so now that we have a child — and that other activities are secondary, whether they earn money or not. Time with my child is absolutely precious to me. And with my husband, too; the three of us just spent an entire summer together with very little paid work, just spending time with each other and doing home-related things. I don’t have many role models, but the Proverbs 31 woman is one of them.
Speaking of which, I find your phrasing interesting: “she buys and sells land, but that doesn’t make her a real estate agent, it just means she is involved with the economic activity of her home.” Is the issue here not so much the money-earning activities as the names with which we identify ourselves? Names are powerful; if I decided I was a “consultant” and not a “mother,” that would mean a subtle but important shift in my thinking about my roles and interactions. But my daily activities involve both consulting and mothering, regardless of the names I use. As I am now, I think of myself primarily as “mother” but secondarily as “consultant,” and I think that’s healthy.
But before our son came along, my husband and I had many years — too many! we wanted children earlier — when it was just us. We both worked outside the home, and we both shared the load of homekeeping, and we liked that arrangement. With two incomes, we were building a financial foundation for future children, and we could contribute resources to our church, community, and family. (To me, that’s what the money is about, not getting rich or glorifying ourselves.) Plus, my husband likes the fact that I can work and build value for paying customers.
(Incidentally, I do most of my paid work from home. I sometimes visit client sites, and my son has caretakers that are wonderful with him, but the lion’s share of my time is spent at home these days. So I agree that it can work well. Oh, and I am working on our church’s web site!)
You also said: “I could probably make quite a lot of money if I went to a job where I helped edit some prestigious publication… am I wasting my God-given talents by not doing so?” Obviously, I can’t answer that question for you, any more than you can answer the equivalent rhetorical questions that I asked you.
God calls each of us differently, and I trust that you have a relationship with God in which you hear his calls to you. Writing and editing is something you can do in a home context (and judging from this blog, you do so very effectively).
But I would say — maybe, in theory, a stay-at-home mother’s God-given talents could indeed be “wasted.” If a woman is called to be a heart surgeon, that’s not something that can happen in a home context. It’s just not. And to refuse the call — that brings to my mind the parable of the talents. God gave them to us so that we might multiply our blessings and return more glory to God! I don’t think God intends for us to submerge those talents and return them to him unused.
October 2nd, 2007 at 7:34 pm
Dear Jen,
I too think we have some values in common (especially the love we have for our children), though I think that my views about how God’s Word speaks about the way we practice that may be quite different. Before we think of ourselves as “mother” or any other title, we ought to consider that God created us to be “helpmeets” to our husbands. God ordains the means as well as the outcome, and while there are many ways we can creatively use the many gifts that He has given us, they ought to be primarily exercised from the context of our homes.
I think the idea of calling is a biblical idea which applies first to our salvation (being called by God and responding to that call), then to whatever vocation God calls us to do, but women in Scripture (Deborah being a judge for a season as a judgment from God on an apostate nation with weak men) are primarily portrayed in supportive roles, married women not choosing a path divergent from husbands. In their covenant union, they are to pull together (equally yoked) in the same direction, and that encompasses far more than occupying the same domicile and rearing a couple of children together. It is a cultural battle they are fighting, raising a godly generation to carry on the important spiritual work which affects all of life.
Jen, I do not hear God’s voice apart from His Word. He may give me circumstances or desires, as well as wisdom in understanding His direction from Scripture, but I also know that my heart is still full of sin and easily deceives me into thinking what I want is what He wants. Thus, I am very cautious about saying that my desires for anything are a “calling” from God. Women are very capable of being excellent in many careers, yet that doesn’t make leaving home, giving their children’s care to others, is a valid option. Fragmented families are partly the result of thinking that homemaking is not the calling of primary importance for women, and women are very ready to find reasons to seek self-fulfillment rather than the sacrificial life of mother and wife. Yet the Bible, among many paradoxes it teaches, said that the last shall be first, and God will exalt the humble.
Imagine what would happen if the women who are so intellectually capable that they could be brain surgeons (or authors, editors, or computer programmers) put all that strength, energy, and ability into teaching their children, creating a home that is not only a haven but a place of productivity, helping their husbands with their husbands’ callings, rather than fragmenting life into every man, woman, and child for himself. I’m not talking about radical uniformity of personalities and ideas, but a lovely blending of everyone’s abilities to achieve something within their family that is vibrant and a blessing to others. This is not physically possible if nobody is home to make it happen.
As for a financial foundation, I have many friends who, through hard work and ingenuity, as well as blessing from God, on one rather small income have raised many children, bought property, built houses, and made a legacy both spiritual and physical for their families. There are many godly men and women who have purposely forsaken fame, money, career advancement, and other achievements in order to stay obedient to God and be able to humbly serve Him in the context which He sovereignly sets. That is not submerging talents, it is investing them more wisely and watching Him give the increase in His timing and in His will.
I highly recommend Mary Pride’s book The Way Home as a reminder of the spiritual underpinnings for what I’m trying to communicate. Mrs. Pride is one smart cookie who graduated from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute with a Master’s in Computer Systems Engineering. She considered herself a feminist, but she became a Christian and her thinking about women’s and family issues took a dramatic turn. She writes compellingly about why our calling within the home is so crucial, and she demonstrates how rich that life can be.
October 3rd, 2007 at 6:50 am
You said: “Before we think of ourselves as “mother†or any other title, we ought to consider that God created us to be ‘helpmeets’ to our husbands.”
Of course. I’m sorry, I thought that went without saying; my bad! I am indeed his helpmeet, although he helps me too; over time, our marriage has become smooth, aged, and exquisitely balanced, like a fine wine.
We do “pull together,” as you put it. But one of the major ways in which I help him is to bring in some income. He wants that, even more than I do. He doesn’t want to have to work 60-hour weeks, because he enjoys time with me and his son! We don’t believe this arrangement goes against the Bible at all.
You said: “Imagine what would happen if the women who are so intellectually capable that they could be brain surgeons (or authors, editors, or computer programmers) put all that strength, energy, and ability into teaching their children, creating a home that is not only a haven but a place of productivity, helping their husbands with their husbands’ callings, rather than fragmenting life into every man, woman, and child for himself.”
You know what? I don’t want to live in a world like that. Seriously. I’m trying to imagine the working women I know — doctors, nurses, midwives, lawyers, teachers, clergy, engineers, software developers, writers, editors, shopkeepers, therapists, entrepreneurs — and removing their professional contribution from the world. I would miss them terribly! They are capable, strong women who are made stronger by the work they do. They do excellent work, and improve my life (and others’ too). Women are different from men, and I value the wonderful perspectives my female colleagues bring to the world of work. And there wouldn’t be enough men to cover what they do, if they weren’t there.
I believe that a woman can both work *and* put energy and strength into the home and family. A balance can be found (usually at less than 40 hours per week!). I’ve seen enough families, Christian and otherwise, to know that the fragmentation you speak of isn’t an inevitable result of work. Though it certainly is a danger — mothers in the workplace are not supported well enough by our culture nor our laws, for instance, but that’s another rant for another time.
Anyway.
Whenever I have discussions with Christians who are very different from me, the Bible is where the discussion always ends up: how does you apply God’s Word to your daily life? What parts do you believe are eternally applicable, and which are dependent on historical context? How do you interpret its directions to us in the modern era? I ask these questions rhetorically — no need to answer; I think you and I will answer it very differently indeed. I interpret the Bible more liberally than you do, that much is clear. And I doubt we’re going to change each other’s minds about that.
Still, we are sisters in Christ, and I know I don’t have all the answers. Which is why I’m engaging in this discussion in the first place: I have a lot to learn. I’ll go find Mary Pride’s book in our local public library (hee hee) and read it — thanks for the reference!
October 3rd, 2007 at 7:48 am
Jen, If you do read Mary Pride’s book, please write and let me know what you think.
Thanks for writing…you are right that we interpret God’s Word differently. We must begin and end with Who God tells us He is. I am reading the book of Job to my children right now, and it asks the crucial question, “Were you there?” We are not allowed to decide which parts of His Word we want to obey, filtering it through our cultural paradigm. Yes, some things were specifically meant for a person or people (we don’t all place real fleeces outside to determine God’s will in particular situations, like Gideon), but didactic passages are not meant to be ditched because they don’t jive with our more “enlightened” modern views. If we become the arbiter of which parts to follow (usually it’s the “nice” parts we pick, such as the “one another” passages, to embrace), then we forget Who God is and put ourselves on shaky ground. Wives being helpmeets to their husbands and submitting to them in a hierarchical manner (husband as head of the family) is one of the first things to go. Nowhere does God’s Word indicate that husbands are helpmeets to their wives.
I know you said no need to answer, but I do think that needed an answer
.
I’m thinking of all the working women I know who stay home with their families. They, too, are capable, intelligent, and they make an invaluable contribution to the world. If they were not there, doing the full-time work of teaching and training their children and making their homes a stable place of ministry and productivity, then nobody would be able to fill their place. Empty and broken homes across this nation testify to the great loss that has occurred because of the women who have abdicated this most important function.
October 3rd, 2007 at 11:13 am
Hello, well I just got done reading your article entitled “Pandora’s Box” and I will say that I agree with you about most of your argument for women being homekepers, sober, loving their children and serving their husbands,but I do diagree with one thing: and maybe I imagine this undertone? but it seems that you imply that if a young woman DID obtain a college degree before having a family, that this would have still been a wate of time for her as it would have not taught her much but to be self-focused and to further her own skills, rather than teaching her to prefer others above herself: which you attest she would not have learned in college.
I agree that she would not learn a lot about self-sacrifice for the good of others at college, as college is an instituation meant to teach skills and educate the individual, but I do not agree that her time there getting a degree would be wasted time once she became a wife and mother and homekeeper….
I myself earned a college degree as a young woman and I find that the education I recieved helps me often in home schooling my children. I have learned much and impart that knowledge and experience to my children. Yes, I was exposed to much Humanism however I was saved following college and have learned wrong from right. Today I teach my children to discern between right and wrong early in ttheir lives, so they will have more of an advantage than I had.
I enjoyed your writing an article on this topic; this is the stuff of life we Christian~ and non-Christian~ mom’s want to talk about. I found the article very well written and you supported both sides very well, while still letting your opinion be known that you(mostly) agreed with Sally. I did not(mostly) agree with Becky, as I could see the false assumptions that she made in her arguments, as you pointed out, but I do agree that it is a good use of time for a young woman to obtain a degree while she is single and without children. I would also say that it would not be harful,but good, for a mother of young children to obtain a degree on a part-time or 1-class-at-a-time schedule, so that she could still have that degree if she needs it to land a job and also she is not spending too much time away from her home & family. I do think that a degree is a good thing to have in case she ends up needing to work, and needs a degree to get a good job(which you do these days.) Who knows if we will need to get a job one day and it is good to have that to offer your husband if your assistance is needed. God may let a Mom know that she needs to go back to work for a season on a part-time basis or full-time basis, for a limited time to help her husband support her household if very lean times befall them. This is one reason I do not think it is a useless thing for a woman to have a degree.
Secondly, please do not say that this view shows a lack of trust in God. I trust God whole heartdedly, and if my husband asked me to go back to work for a season I do not see in the Bible that this would be his asking me to a sin, unless he was asking me to work so much that my family and serving him could no longer be first in my time available to them. I do not see in my Bible where it would be a sin for a woman to work for a set period of time in order to use her skills to help her family, if her husband needed her help. Just my thoughts, thanks for listening.
October 3rd, 2007 at 7:48 pm
You said: “Yes, some things [in the Bible] were specifically meant for a person or people …” That’s true about many parts of the Bible. Especially the Pauline letters, which is where we get a lot of instructions on how to live our Christian lives. So many of those were written with specific churches and specific audiences in mind! They have to be understood carefully and contextually.
You said: “Wives being helpmeets to their husbands and submitting to them in a hierarchical manner (husband as head of the family) is one of the first things to go.” Hierarchy was a Greek concept, not a Hebraic one. It was introduced later, well after Christ left this earth. I don’t have a problem letting it go.
(If it weren’t almost midnight over here, I’d get a cite for you… I’m going on my internalized understanding of it, so bear with me.)
And finally: “Nowhere does God’s Word indicate that husbands are helpmeets to their wives.” Well, no. My husband helps me out of the generosity and love that’s in his heart, not because someone tells him he has to. Isn’t that how it should be?
BTW, I’ve read that the Greek term “‘ezer,” often translated as “helpmeet,” might be better translated as “ally.” Truly, my husband and I are allies, fellow warriors, fellow workers in the garden of God. The home is my sphere of influence, and I bow to his choices in most things, but we have reciprocity — we obey and submit to each other out of love.
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Jen, an orthodox biblical hermeneutic holds that didactic passages are instructive of and interpretive for other parts of the Bible which may be more difficult to understand (prophecy, poetry, even historical accounts such as that of Gideon, which may not be meant for us to follow exactly but still teach us by showing God’s dealing with His people). Our Lord is the same today as he was when He inspired Paul to write his “household codes.” Those instructions to the churches are still valid for Christians and churches today, particularly since Paul makes clear that the relationships (headship of husband, obedience and submission of wife) are illustrative of the relationships within the Trinity, where they are mysteriously equal in substance but their roles are different, and Jesus obeyed His Father.
The marriage relationship is also a picture of Christ and His Bride, the Church (Eph. 5:32). While our Lord is a servant to His people, He is also our King, and it would be silly to think that He obeys us or that we are not required to obey Him. Our husbands are to be the kind of leader that Jesus was (and is), and though this often entails sacrifice and service in that position, that does not cancel out the fact that they are leaders and wives are to obey and follow in the same way the Church is to obey Christ. Paul also states that this order was established from creation (I Timothy 2:12). He may have helped with the dishes, but you will have to point me to the place where Adam is described as Eve’s reciprocal “helpmeet.”
This is one hill which I do choose to die on. I have 10 children and my entire pattern for my life based mostly on what I just wrote, and the entire crumbling culture and impotent church is testimony to the fact that the family issues we are discussing, which are at the center of the culture war, are not peripheral issues on which we can all agree to disagree. How does that work out in practice? It means that here I will write passionately to women, encouraging them to follow this path with joy and contentment, not as runners up in a contest, but as important parts of God’s plan in His wise design. It also means that I will love and show kindness to the many women who do not agree with me on this, as I have always done. I do not see myself as morally superior because I am on this side in the so-called “Mommy Wars.” I am too aware of my sinful failings for that. I too admire women who are intellectually and educationally advanced, but I have been blessed by many Christian women who lack those qualities and credentials but often have much more humble wisdom, which I have found goes farther than all the urbane, witty, polished, and impressive achievements the world admires so much. At 46 (this month), I have started to think long-term about these things, and investing in what is lasting (and true) is more attractive than shifting cultural mores that I believe are ultimately destructive to the family and the Church when consistently applied.
Here’s a link for the benefit of anyone reading this exchange: John Piper and Wayne Grudem address some of the egalitarian arguments, including how to interpret the Bible on these issues.
October 3rd, 2007 at 9:33 pm
Stacey, I addressed most of your questions beginning here, when I did a series of posts on college and the practice of sending daughters away from home for higher education. Follow the links at the top which show each successive post, to the right of “Archives,” to see the entire series.
October 4th, 2007 at 6:09 am
I think we’ve gotten to the bottom of a lot of these issues, so I won’t belabor them much more.
In summary, my position is this: a Biblically-based marriage does acknowledge the different roles and responsibilities of husbands and wives, and does grant authority to the husband, but it does NOT rule out mutual help and submission. Nor does it rule out out-of-home work on the wife’s part, as long as it doesn’t damage the home and family — husband and wife are each given unique gifts, which we use to help each other and glorify God in unique ways. Marriage reveals aspects of God to us and to our children, so it’s very important to get it “right.” And that’s what I have to say on the matter. 
I did want to address one more issue, though. We have indeed seen a breakdown of homes and marriages over the last few decades, but I don’t think we can lay that entirely at the feet of working women — that’s not fair at all. Other factors include:
* materialism and the desire to buy many and big things;
* poor cultural memes that lead to poverty, e.g. teenage pregnancy, absent fathers, bad work ethics;
* the drives to independence and individuality that run deep in the American psyche, and that lead us to isolate children before they’re ready;
* poor child-rearing advice throughout this century, e.g. “cry it out” or “don’t spoil your baby with too much attention,” which warp childhoods;
* outrageous health care costs, and the linking of insurance with employment;
* alcoholism and drug abuse, particularly among adults in a household;
* untreated mental illness, especially depression;
* men who abuse their wives and children;
… shall I continue? Let’s solve these ills before we tell women they have to forsake work in order to reverse the decline of the American family!
Okay, I have to go get work done now, but I’ll be back someday on a future post. It’s been fun. Thanks, Carmon!
November 20th, 2007 at 11:44 pm
[...] to berate, argue, and tear down, is reprehensible behavior. Here’s my admonishment: Stop it! I am convicted again of the importance of guarding my mouth, even when it’s not moving. For [...]